Dear Emmitt,

Stillborn — that’s what the doctor said, but to your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and extended family, you very much lived!  Thank you so much for entering our lives, even if ever so briefly. It is sweet, yet bitter, to miss and love you so much at the same time. Goodbye seems impossible before hello.

Your mother knows you better than anyone. She loved…no, she loves you dearly, Emmitt! You made her really sick those first few months. She was miserable in the mornings, and certain smells, like baking brownies, made her really nauseous. By the third trimester though, she was talking about how much you moved and how hard you kicked. We knew you were there because sometimes your mommy would let us put a hand on her tummy and feel you move. You would roll and stretch big, then give a hard kick just for good measure! I think you got all that energy from your daddy.

Even though you never drew your first breath, you took our breath away when everyone first saw you! You were perfect from head to toe Emmitt, all 4 pounds and 3 ounces of you! You had your mommy’s eyes and fingers, your daddy’s nose and ears!

It was such a blessing to hold you a few minutes during those three very short, very long hours. We marveled at you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made Emmitt, and somehow, even when holding you in your eternal sleep, you were so peaceful, so calming, so uniting.

There is purpose in everything, in everyone, but it’s really hard, at least on this side of eternity, to grasp and understand it all. One thing you did for sure was to bring your mother and father together. Maybe this was your purpose from the beginning. I don’t know. I do know they love you, and Emmitt, you would be so proud of them! Even with an Emmitt size hole right in the middle of their hearts, they have shown such powerful, resolute strength, open compassion and purposeful grace! There’s no doubt you are blessed to have them as parents! 

It’s hard to believe, but today, December 14, was your due date one year ago.

One day Emmitt you will have brothers and sisters down here, and in a way, we can love you through loving them. But no one can ever take your place. There is only one you!

There’s so many questions we all have. Like, what color would your eyes have been? Would you be a fast runner? I bet so! I wonder how strong willed you would have been in the terrible twos? Would you be kind, thoughtful and a little shy like your mom? Or would you be outgoing, fun and going 90 to nothing like your dad? How old would you have been when you caught your first fish with your daddy? Would you like baseball? Be good at math? Would you spit out your first taste of squash? Would you be left handed like your mom, or right handed like your daddy? Who would you marry one day years from now?  We’ll never know.

You are with Jesus. And you know, that helps, it really does. Maybe this is selfish, but Emmitt, there’s things we wanted for you down here. We wanted you to live. We wanted you to know this side of eternity, to experience this life in ways that make angels stop and ponder. We wanted to watch you grow up and enjoy you in each stage of your life. We wanted to know you!

Honestly, it’s fun to think about, but then a sorrow bubble boils up from deep inside and there’s an urge to ask, and sometimes scream, “Why God, why!?”

Why?

Many would have traded places, traded heartbeats with you without hesitation so you could live!

Emmitt, it’s true that you’re doing things in heaven now that we can’t even begin to imagine.

What we know about heaven in our head and heart though is different than what we know with our eyes and ears.

We know long walks down Surfside beach, but you know strolls down streets of gold. We know sunburn from too much sunshine, but you know never-ending Son shine. We know a good song on the radio, but you know choruses from multitudes of angels. We know how a fresh peach right off the tree tastes, but you know how fruit from the Tree of Life tastes. We know what the Angelina River looks like, but you know what the river flowing from the throne of God looks like!

We will, we Will, we WILL see you again one day! I don’t know when, or how, but there will be a new day, a new time, a new beginning for all who believe in Jesus Christ as Savior. One day, we too will cross the great divide, and on that day, we will see you again.

Maybe you can give a guided tour of heaven when that day comes. In the meantime, hang out with your Great Pawpaw and hug your Great Granny. You’ll love and enjoy them Emmitt, a lot!!

From heartbeat to heartbeat, to ashes to ashes, dust to dust, you will never, ever be forgotten by those who love, and miss you, Emmitt Gage Wright.