depression, Faith, Family, Health

The Talons of Depression

26 Comments

I used to work in the mental health field as a Licensed Professional Counselor.  With that said, I’ve talked to a lot of people who suffer from depression and, in fact, have been depressed before myself.  To say it is difficult is a vast understatement.  Statistics show that 10.4% of all physician office visits have depression indicated on the medical record. With that in mind, here’s my best shot to describe depression –

Depression is having cold feet in the summer, and sweating under your coat in winter.

You used to raise your hands to praise to God, but now, getting them high enough to scratch your ear is hard.

You smile, shine your package, wrap your heart under brightly colored wrapping paper, but the contents are broken, crushed, spilling out.

You don’t know why. Not really.

You question.

Faith wavers.

Hope despairs.

Why?

Why can’t I walk through fire and be not burned?

What did I do?

Am I weak? Condemned? Cursed?

It's Gonna Be Alright Story!

Alone is solitary confinement in the soul, yet electrified prison bars in a crowd.

They smile. They speak. They see.

They don’t know.

Maybe, don’t care.

After all, the wall is too high to climb, too thick to breach, too heavy to move.

Wounds don’t bleed. They abscess. Invisible pain festers, eating the spirit in a black glass jar.

No amount of time, talk, tears, nothing relieves the throbbing heart nerve, not for long.

Slow escape comes in fetal position sleep, but the solace drains quickly when the eyes open.

Wings, give me wings to fly away, but depression’s talons dig deeper holding you captive in the dark. Instead of flight to freedom, bat wings cover your eyes in the light while you live upside down.

So you stumble through the day by moon light, longing for a hand to reach into the deep waters.

No hand appears.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Cycle.

Maybe, tomorrow.

Maybe.

Depression

26 thoughts on “The Talons of Depression”

    1. It’s a tough place, Matthew, and it seems even harder at times for Believers, most especially for those in the ministry. When we see depression the same as diabetes, the common cold or a kidney infection, we can make some progress. Hang tough, my friend. You are certainly not alone!

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  10. Good topic and post. I have written about it recently because I feel like people need it. I needed it. I dislike talking about it, or admitting that I am susepticle to it. But, most of that comes from how we are conditioned to think about it, and the church typically thinks very poorly about it. I have had some strange reactions when I tell people as their chaplain or pastor that I have wrestled with depression in my own life, but it usually leads to very open a free conversation about something that would should feel okay talking about. Thank you for talking about this.

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    1. Thank you for your transparent honesty! Men, according to the stats, are less likely to seek medical attention or even discuss it. You are right about some in the church who think it’s not spiritual to discuss real life problems, but real life problems often help us grow the most spiritually. Keep the faith, chaplain, pastor, brother!

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  11. Partly true… seems I am surrounded by depressed people, but only one has anxiety as well. Can not say the doctors are of any help. After 20 years something should have changed. If you feel it comming again you for sure are not smiling. It’s the end.

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    1. That’s got to be one of the hardest things in the world — to be depressed for twenty years and not be able to move out of it. I wish the best for those around you who are struggling! Peace to you also, my friend!

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