A Short Time To Live

Two and half months ago a lightening strike at work crashed our computer server and immediately brought us to our knees. Within an hour a couple of computer geeks who work for the IT Company we contract with showed up. One started on the main frame and one, Joe, began checking individual computers. I walked in my office to see Joe at my desk.  Joe glanced up and asked if I was having problems. I told him I’d spilled a cup of coffee on the tower and it’s acted funny ever since.  Slightly amused, he retorted that my computer was just low on gasoline and after he filled it up and left he wanted me to plug it back in.

I stood fumbling through some paperwork while Joe kept hacking and coughing. Half joking, half serious, I told Joe if he’d lay off the cigarettes his cough would go away. Without looking up from the keyboard he casually said, “Not this time. I found out last week I have stage 4 lung cancer. It only goes downhill from here.”

I stopped in my tracks and looked at Joe’s expression and eyes to see if he was joking. He wasn’t.

Wide eyed, even wider mouthed, I sat down and we began to talk. Joe’s 62 years old.  He was thinking about retiring next year so he and his wife, who’s also 62, could travel. His mother died three months ago after an extended illness and every day while she was in ICU, he noticed his nagging cough got a little worse. A week after her funeral he went to the doctor and was told he had pneumonia. After a round of anti-biotics with no improvement, he made another trip to the doctor and was given a stronger dose of anti-biotics, yet his cough worsened. He went back yet again to the doctor, who ordered more tests, and found several cancer spots on his lungs and, worse yet, discovered the cancer had metastasized to his liver and lymph nodes.

Joe quoted the cancer’s scientific name, a name he’d never heard and couldn’t pronounce the week before, but after a week of non-stop research, Joe said he knew what he was looking at.  If he did nothing, he had three months to live. With treatment, two years, at best, but more than likely less than a year, and most of that time terribly sick from chemo.

Joe started talking about his wife and grown daughter and how he just didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t angry. He didn’t question why. His main concern was that they had no life insurance and he’d use all their life savings for a limited time of extended life.

His wife, however, was telling him to fight it out.  He told me, “But if I ‘fight’, like she wants, I’ll spend everything we have. Then, I still won’t be here for her, she’ll have nothing to live on and I’ll have the same end anyway. If I fight by doing nothing, I can get things in order and take care of her in the future because she’ll have most of our savings to live out her life, minus my out pocket insurance expenses and funeral.”

A Short Time Here

It’s said there are no atheists in fox holes. Cancer has the same effect. Joe said he’s prayed, he’s talked to his priest and he’s certain. On the other hand, he admitted sometimes he has doubts and, understandably, he’s scared how bad it will feel in the last days not being able to breath through cancer riddled lungs.

I gently asked the question, “Joe, if you only have a short time, why are you sitting here working on my computer?”

He smiled, “I feel normal doing this. They’re making an appointment at M.D. Anderson as soon as possible, but until then, I’d just sit there worrying if I wasn’t here. Besides,” he said with a grin, “they’re paying me to be here.”  I joked that it’s a good thing they paid him what they do because if they paid him what he’s worth, he’d already have starved to death.  Joe immediately burst into a welcomed laughter, followed by a succession of deep, but never complete, coughs.

Four weeks ago Joe and another IT guy came by to double check the computer system.  I sought Joe out to see how he was.  He’d been to M.D. Anderson but said it wasn’t much help. In fact, he was frustrated because his Obamacare insurance wouldn’t approve another scan for another month since he had just had one. Matter of factly Joe said, “I may not be here next month”.  I asked him what he decided about “fighting the cancer”. He said the same things he’d said the month before and talked more about how he loved his wife and wanted to make sure she was taken care of in the future. He said he was waiting to hear from M.D. Anderson before deciding what to do, but to me, his lack of action didn’t speak, it shouted his decision.

Joe died yesterday.

Give Me your load

Some would say Joe was right. Some would say wrong. Some would say there’s no answer.

Who knows? Is there a right? A wrong? Is there a sometimes, an if, or it all depends?  Maybe it changes based on the circumstances and you just have to make the best decision you can with what you have to work with at the time?  I don’t know.

From listening to Joe though, I do know he wanted to take care of his wife after he was gone so she could continue on in a comfortable lifestyle. I also believe Joe loved life, but even more, loved his wife.  He never gave up by not taking treatments, but rather laid down part of his life for his wife’s future well being. Maybe Joe only laid down a short time, maybe a long time. No one will ever know. But Joe did do what he thought was best for someone else, and honestly, I admire him for it.

Greater love has no one than this, to lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13


26 thoughts on “A Short Time To Live”

  1. Wow, this certainly hit home. My husband was named Joe, and he died at age 46 of thyroid cancer that metastasized to his lungs. His cancer was an extremely rare & aggressive kind that no one (to date) survived. We went searching for answers and the bottom-line was we could have emptied our bank account, but it wouldn’t have changed the outcome. Like your Joe, my Joe continued to work as long as he could (10 mo.) because it made him feel productive. He also ate all of the foods he wasn’t supposed to eat previously because of his high triglycerides/cholesterol.–Juicy hamburgers with the works, lots of donuts, packs of Reese’s peanut butter cups, and so forth. I think my Joe & your Joe made the right decision, but it’s a personal decision where one size doesn’t fit all. May both our Joes rest in peace and God hold them close.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow!!! I am so sorry for your loss! Those are uncanny similarities!! And yes, one size does not fit all and it very much is a personal decision that one must make with the best facts and information they can have on hand. I can totally see your Joe eating what he wanted, and maybe even joking about while eating it! I agree also with your sentiment….may God hold them both close!


  2. Dear Jeff,
    Thank you for sharing this moving story. I admire Joe and I think his wife is blessed to have someone love her so much he was willing to lay down his life for her. I trust he is now resting in peace.
    I popped by to thank you for following my blog Women of Warfare. Most appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As I was reading this, the Scripture you gave is exactly what I was thinking. Right or wrong? I know this for sure, he is heaven looking down upon us all. Doesn’t get anymore “right” then that?

    What a strong, wonderful man and husband. God Bless, SR


  4. My condolences on the loss of your friend. I have been thinking about mortality recently after reading that women usually died around 50 a hundred years ago (so they didn’t get menopause). I don’t want to live as long as many people do – my life has been good. Your friend sounds like a good man.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. He was a good guy and there is no doubt missed terribly by his family!! And you are right about life. Some people live to a hundred and never live while others get twice as much life out of 50 years!!


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