Dear Emmitt

Dear Emmitt,

Stillborn — that’s what the doctor said, but to your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and extended family, you very much lived!  Thank you so much for entering our lives, even if ever so briefly. It is sweet, yet bitter, to miss and love you so much at the same time. Goodbye seems impossible before hello.

Your mother knows you better than anyone. She loved…no, she loves you dearly, Emmitt! You made her really sick those first few months. She was miserable in the mornings, and certain smells, like baking brownies, made her really nauseous. By the third trimester though, she was talking about how much you moved and how hard you kicked. We knew you were there because sometimes your mommy would let us put a hand on her tummy and feel you move. You would roll and stretch big, then give a hard kick just for good measure! I think you got all that energy from your daddy.

Even though you never drew your first breath, you took our breath away when everyone first saw you! You were perfect from head to toe Emmitt, all 4 pounds and 3 ounces of you! You had your mommy’s eyes and fingers, your daddy’s nose and ears!

It was such a blessing to hold you a few minutes during those three very short, very long hours. We marveled at you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made Emmitt, and somehow, even when holding you in your eternal sleep, you were so peaceful, so calming, so uniting.

There is purpose in everything, in everyone, but it’s really hard, at least on this side of eternity, to grasp and understand it all. One thing you did for sure was to bring your mother and father together. Maybe this was your purpose from the beginning. I don’t know. I do know they love you, and Emmitt, you would be so proud of them! Even with an Emmitt size hole right in the middle of their hearts, they have shown such powerful, resolute strength, open compassion and purposeful grace! There’s no doubt you are blessed to have them as parents! Dear Emmitt

It’s hard to believe, but today, December 14, was your due date one year ago.

One day Emmitt you will have brothers and sisters down here, and in a way, we can love you through loving them. But no one can ever take your place. There is only one you!

There’s so many questions we all have. Like, what color would your eyes have been? Would you be a fast runner? I bet so! I wonder how strong willed you would have been in the terrible twos? Would you be kind, thoughtful and a little shy like your mom? Or would you be outgoing, fun and going 90 to nothing like your dad? How old would you have been when you caught your first fish with your daddy? Would you like baseball? Be good at math? Would you spit out your first taste of squash? Would you be left handed like your mom, or right handed like your daddy? Who would you marry one day years from now?  We’ll never know.

You are with Jesus. And you know, that helps, it really does. Maybe this is selfish, but Emmitt, there’s things we wanted for you down here. We wanted you to live. We wanted you to know this side of eternity, to experience this life in ways that make angels stop and ponder. We wanted to watch you grow up and enjoy you in each stage of your life. We wanted to know you!

Honestly, it’s fun to think about, but then a sorrow bubble boils up from deep inside and there’s an urge to ask, and sometimes scream, “Why God, why!?”

Why?

Many would have traded places, traded heartbeats with you without hesitation so you could live!

Emmitt, it’s true that you’re doing things in heaven now that we can’t even begin to imagine.

What we know about heaven in our head and heart though is different than what we know with our eyes and ears.

We know long walks down Surfside beach, but you know strolls down streets of gold. We know sunburn from too much sunshine, but you know never-ending Son shine. We know a good song on the radio, but you know choruses from multitudes of angels. We know how a fresh peach right off the tree tastes, but you know how fruit from the Tree of Life tastes. We know what the Angelina River looks like, but you know what the river flowing from the throne of God looks like!

We will, we Will, we WILL see you again one day! I don’t know when, or how, but there will be a new day, a new time, a new beginning for all who believe in Jesus Christ as Savior. One day, we too will cross the great divide, and on that day, we will see you again.

Maybe you can give a guided tour of heaven when that day comes. In the meantime, hang out with your Great Pawpaw and hug your Great Granny. You’ll love and enjoy them Emmitt, a lot!!

From heartbeat to heartbeat, to ashes to ashes, dust to dust, you will never, ever be forgotten by those who love, and miss you, Emmitt Gage Wright.

Until we meet again,
Pawpaw and Family
Emmitt's Tree
Emmitt’s Tree — planted in the front yard in honor of our little grandson

 

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24 thoughts on “Dear Emmitt”

  1. So sorry to hear of your loss. This time of the year seems to bring up a lot of memories, doesn’t it? I lost a child also, and there are days and moments where I always wonder so many things.

    The greatest comfort of my life, is that one day we will all meet in heaven. I know instead of a life of so many ups and downs, my baby has had one of nothing but of beauty, love, peace and the radiance of God.

    Our two little ones are probably saying, “I do not know why they are so sad, if they only knew what awaits them all.” God Bless to you and your family dear friend, SR

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Jeff, what a beautiful and poignant anniversary tribute to your grandson. God can handle the why questions because He has His hand on our hearts; He holds our hurts as collected tears.
    It never seems right when young ones die–does it?
    Blessings of His peace to your family ~ Wendy

    Liked by 3 people

  3. M heart goes out to you and your family. I can begin to imagine what it’s like going through something as tragic as this but knowing that he is now with Jesus, can hopefully bring comfort and peace. Maybe Emmitt’s purpose was to bring his parents closer. That is so sweet a tree was planted in memory of him. My prayers are with you.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Your post brings back so many of my own memories. I’m deeply sorry for your loss, and for the heartbreak of your children. As I click “send/post,” I am praying for comfort for all of you. Grief for the brief life of a child is especially difficult to bear at Christmas time. Yet, you have written a beautiful and hope-filled post. You speak straight from the heart. God bless you and yours greatly, Jeff!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Jeff, I’m so sorry to hear that you and your family when through this, I can only imagine the pain and suffering of those around you. I hope that you find light in this and can help others find light in this instead of what could be. My prayers are with you

    Liked by 3 people

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