It’s not right! Hallmark just makes up holidays to sell cards!
It’s like October 6 when one of my daughters posted on Facebook that it was National Transfer Money to Your Daughter Day. Parents everywhere were requested to transfer money to their daughter’s account.
Psft! It ain’t happening! Not unless I go to the bank and got them each a nice, shiny new penny.
Besides, transferring money to your children has been around for years!! It just goes by different names!
It’s called child rearing, shoe buying, food, clothing, shelter, prom, cars, Happy Birthday, shoe buying, Merry Christmas, Easter, college, just because I love you day, and of course, shoe buying.
The last “official” day of National Transfer Money to Your Daughter Day is called probating the will.
Hallmark started this made up march to “holiday” madness! Sneaky weasels!
Hallmark even has their own TV channel dedicated to tipping folks over the crazy edge. Like this! Did you know Hallmark shows Christmas movies in July? July!!
It’s like they’re in cahoots with Hobby Lobby who puts out Christmas Trees in July! Hobby Lobby has these big slob guys sweating in the July heat putting up Christmas trees and packing fake snow around them. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a pool party!
Commercial break — I’m sorry, but I have to rant some more…I was thinking if I write this and you read it, then it’s like you’ve been my therapist, except, I don’t have to pay! Thank you! “So how does that make you feel”, you ask?
Well hold your glass of Milk of Magnesia, I’ll tell you! It drives me barmy bonkers! One flew over the cuckoo’s nest nuts!
The July Texas heat is hotter than Hades! But there goes Hallmark playing cold, snowy Christmas movies with skinny people chugging hot chocolate, binge eating sugar cookies, and never getting gas.
The scarf wearing guys on the Hallmark channel don’t have real jobs. They just go around shaking snow globes trying to figure out how the tree top angel broke a glass wing!!
Once, just once, I want the scarf wearing guy with a full head of hair and a 3-day old beard that never grows nor gets shaved, just once I want one of those guys to step out in the street and get hit by a bus!
Something! Anything so it’s not the exact same story as the one before, and after!!
It’d even work if one of Santa’s reindeer lost a horseshoe in flight that fell down knocking the guy into next week! Maybe there could be a bitter class action lawsuit against Santa and the horseshoe manufacturer?
Or maybe someone could drop into a diabetic coma from living off of eggnog, ginger bread houses and candy canes? That would add variety.
Instead, Hallmark movies are all the same! Unless you’re the busy, preoccupied boyfriend actor who gets the boot by the end of the show, the whole show is pixie dust and unicorns.
Janet loves When Calls the Heart on the Hallmark Channel. Even the name is confusing though. When Calls the Heart sounds like a question, but they say it matter-of- factly, like a sentence.
Anyway, I watched it with her for a while, but it’s ALL the same! I’d end up on my iPad reading how rattlesnake bite poison slowly kills you, how to figure the number of ping pong balls a 747 jet can hold, or shopping on Ebay for bigfoot costumes.
Finally, (spoiler alert here), in about the 23rd season, Jack, the Canadian, red jacket wearing Mountie dies! Yessss!! Somebody finally bites the bullet on Hallmark!!
Never mind they probably just wrote him off the show because of stalled contract negotiations. The dude dies on the show! That even made me look up from my midget wrestling video.
Of course, it’s Hallmark so they don’t show it, and the details are vaguely soft, but still! Somebody kicked the bucket! Happy day, happy day! Somebody’s gonna see Jesus!!
But it’s still not enough for Hallmark. Nope. They single handedly have turned us into a weird, holiday celebrating people.
This post today, for instance, is on a number of honorary celebration days!!
Like this, and this is 100% true – today is World Bipolar Day! That makes me sad and lethargic, but I’ll get happy and energized this afternoon.
And it’s National Virtual Vacation Day too! Whoopty doo! That’s called daydreaming at work!
I kid you not! Today is also National Little Red Wagon Day, National Pencil Day, and for all the narcissists, I Am In Control Day!
I really don’t get it, but it’s also National Turkey Neck Soup Day! Let’s “gobble” that up!
If you ask me, this is a really, really big problem!!
Call your congressmen! Start a holiday stress support group! Maybe get Sally Struthers to do a $9.95 a monthly contribution commercial so we can help the holiday exhausted people across the globe!
In the meantime, I have to stop thinking about these holidays before this therapy session ends!
Besides, it’s time to turn on midget wrestling again and place a bet for Knee Knocker to win the championship over Pip Squeak this year. Next year, Hallmark can make that a holiday too!!