(Radio Announcer Voice)  People see Santa Claus once a year, Thanksgiving to Christmas.  The view of his life and who he is, is so slanted.

If people truly knew the soap opera life Santa lives the rest of the year, they would clamor to charge him with breaking and entering into their homes on Christmas Eve.  Instead, they see him as a benevolent hero delivering government subsidized free presents to nice children everywhere.  And so today, we continue with another compelling episode of — (pause for dramatic effect) — North Pole Days of Our Lives!!

Santa rolled over wearing nothing but a pair of over-sized boxers that the tooth fairy had given him.  He looked at the clock.  11:12 AM.   He’d slept in, again, and knew Mrs. Claus wouldn’t be happy about that.

Besides, Santa knew he snored all night because he didn’t use his Cpap machine for his sleep apnea.  Worse yet, he had binged on left over eggnog and cookies the night before, which gives him severe flatulence.

He looked at Mrs. Clause’s side of the bed. Nice. Neat. Not slept in.

There on her pillow was a Hawaiian colored envelope with his name on it, not the official candy cane striped stationary authorized by the North Pole Post Office.   His chubby fingers trembled as he struggled to open the letter.

He took a deep breath and began to read:

Dear Santa, Continue reading North Pole Days of Our Lives →