~Disclaimer: This is the second satirical post and only meant to entertain, maybe even cause a grin, snicker or smile.  The first post is here.  And yes, there are ALWAYS exceptions.  For the record, no words were injured in the writing of this post, so please don’t injure the writer. (Wink, wink.) ~

It’s weird! Men and women have fun differently!  Granted, there’s no hard and fast rule, but generally the pendulum swings two ways.

Men feel friendship with other guys by doing stuff together.  Here goes:

Two men. They get up at 3:15 AM in cold weather, and meet 3:45 AM sharp at a gas station.  They go inside, fill their thermoses with coffee and get in a truck together.

“Good morning”, one says.

“Morning”, says the other.

They drive 45 minutes, in silence, to the middle of nowhere, get out in the cold and sit in deer stands one mile apart.  At 9:30, they meet back at the truck.

“See anything?”

“Nope. You?”

“Just squirrels”

“Yep. One coyote too.”

They climb in the truck, drive another 45 minutes in silence.  That night they both tell their wives, “That’s the nicest guy!  I really like him!”

Men feel friendship by simply doing stuff together.

It’s odd! They’re the best of friends, but how would you know?

Meanwhile, on the back side of the moon, it’s different!

Women tend to feel closer to others by talking. (Talking, and talking, and talking – OK, maybe I shouldn’t have added this line??)

Anyway, research shows that the average man speaks 10,000 words a day, but the average woman speaks 25,000 a day.

With much fear, trembling and trepidation on my part, here goes:

Two women go shopping. When they get in the car, they talk about the kid’s activities, school, outfits and how the flower bed petunias are the wrong color.

Then they move to their husbands, what he’s doing, what he does right, and wrong, then one laments about why her husband won’t cut his nose hairs.

They talk about the things they want for the house, where and what’s on sale, how plaid makes their face look pale, how haughty a neighbor lady is, why they don’t trust a common friend with secrets, and what’s “really” going on with a couple they both know.

They move to discussions about so and so’s health, and uncouth behavior of an extended family member at holidays, which always leads to a discourse about chocolate that’s typically followed by conversation about the latest diet fads.

When shopping, they stick together like glue, continuing the nonstop banter as if no one else was in the mall.

Each proceeds to pick up every item, every shelf, every isle, every store.  Eventually they return to the first store and buy the things they saw first.

Both have loved every minute of it!

Later at home though, they’ll tell their husband, “It was an OK day” and add, “She can be really sweet, but she just can’t keep quiet!”

Wait. What?

Here’s another thing unique to each gender.

Most women are very particular about their hair.  If she gets a haircut, for instance, and someone compliments it, a subconscious locomotion starts.

Even if she knows her hair looks like an electrified buzzard nest, she’ll subconsciously reach up, touch and pat her hair, beaming with joy as she floats on a cloud of satisfaction.

On the other hand, most men, at least the ones I hang around, don’t care much about their hair.  Shoot, most men I know don’t even have hair.

But! If you grab a man’s arm and ask if he’s been working out, even if his arm is flabby fat and as soft as a bowl of Jell-O, he’ll beam the same pleased reaction.

In fact, most men will walk around the rest of the day like an Arnold Schwarzenegger wanna be.  He’ll stick out his elbows a little farther from his sides like his huge muscles are getting in the way of his arms hanging straight down.

It’s obvious to everyone but him.  Just makes you want to say, “Fat can make your arms stick out to side too, brother!!”

Again, just generally speaking, but there’s something about women’s hair and men’s muscles that just seems to be hot-wired into the generator of our brains.

And honestly, that really bothers me!  I woefully lack both muscles and hair!

Hey, I don’t claim to be right here, and certainly not 100% accurate, but thank goodness for the differences!  The difference makes things fun!  (Unless someone is so upset with me that they want to burn me at the stake.)

Relax. Sit back.  Enjoy the entertaining differences in the midst of this thing we call life!

(Uh, ma’am. Drop the match please. Drop the match.)