It was a crazy dream!
I was zonked asleep, which is important, because sometimes I daydream. In fact, sometimes blogging is like daydreaming, except with words.
Anyway, I was asleep dreaming.
My dreams are usually weird — near sighted blonde unicorns with measles playing frisbee golf while carrying spittoons for their chewing tobacco weird. Unless you’re deranged, my dreams seldom make sense!
I dreamed about being in an open country field with rolling hills and tall grass as a contestant in a show similar to Wipe Out. The next task in the show was to ride a merry-go-round for children.
It had five stations: a car, boat, train engine, airplane and a child’s blue plastic swimming pool full of water. (Yep, I don’t understand the kiddie pool either.)
I was supposed to hop on the moving ride which was being trial tested for the store Petsense.
Petsense sells pet food, animal toys and critters. Why not test it for Mattel, Legos, Tonka Toys, anything but a pet store!?
Nope. In my dream it was Petsense.
So, I dreamed about standing by the moving merry-go-round and resoundingly decided NOT to get wet in the swimming pool. And all but the airplane had unguarded belts, pulleys and moving pinch points. (OK, safety is part of my day job, so that kind of makes sense.)
When the airplane spun around, I jumped on top of the seat. They didn’t mention the airplane would flip over upside down so you would fall off! It was booby trapped!
And what kind of twisted, oddball, messed up mind would come up with such a cruel idea as to not bolt down the airplane? That’s so wrong!
Come on, Petsense! You wouldn’t do that to feral cats or stray dogs! Then for crying out loud don’t do it to people!!
Anyway, unlike real life, in my dreams I’m extremely agile, almost super hero like, and always, always with feral cat like reflexes!
Well my cat like reflexes must’ve used all nine lives. When the dream airplane turned to its left side, I instinctively jerked to my right to spin back on top of it. But I wasn’t fast enough. I fell off, hit my head and landed on my stomach.
The dream turned pitch black dark, like a long dark tunnel…
From deep in the darkness I heard a voice… “Jeff, are you OK?”
I got up on my knees and hands. The grass felt like carpet.
The concerned voice called out louder from the dark… “Jeff? Jeff! Are you alright!?”
In a slumber U-Haul moving from Dreamtown to Awakeville, I began to realize that when I jerked to upright the plane, I’d physically jerked right, rolled off the bed and hit my head on the edge of the nightstand!
My head hurt, and I reached up to feel a 4-inch bone dent in my skull from my ear to right eye. Owie!
No blood, but the long dent in my skull was already puffing up.
Janet, my wife, flipped the light on and asked for the third time if I was alright.
I stood up, like Rocky Balboa in the 15th round of a fight and assured Adrian… I mean Janet, that it was all good before sleepily stumbling into the bathroom.
Sounds ironic, but my brain took over. I realize that could be technically argued with some very legitimate points scored about how that would be impossible, at any time, but still, my brain put myself on a concussion protocol.
I halfway figured I was going to end up at the Emergency Room, so I went ahead and got up at 5:00 AM to shave, shower and dress.
I dared not go back to sleep, besides, someone needed to bolt down that airplane first.
Luckily, no dizziness, headache, nausea, slurred speech or memory loss. Besides my ego contusions, I just had some swelling with a bruise across my forehead.
Thank goodness there was no black eye! It’d be hard to explain how I got beat up in my sleep.
Some wise guy though suggested it was a good thing it was just my head since I never use it much anyway!!
Psft! Whatever! I’m hoping the unbolted airplane shows up in his dream tonight!