Corona Church

Life has temporarily changed. Pandemic. The world’s partially shut down because of the Chinese coronavirus.

Like this: we went to church Sunday, online!  We logged in on my iPad to watch Facebook live!  And no one else can see you.  If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have brushed my teeth or clipped my nails!

The first minutes are great, the kid’s part!  I understand that part, kind of a milk of the Word thing, ya know?

So I’m slurping on my spiritual glass of Borden’s watching the children’s minister when all the sudden a little angry face icon 😡 floats up the side of the screen!  That’s rude! It’s the kid’s part of the service for crying out loud!

Then there was another angry face, and another! It was terrible! I felt a self-righteous indignation!

But then I realized I was holding the IPad with my right hand at the bottom with my thumb on the angry face.  Every time I moved, my thumb pushed an angry face!

I tried to take it back. Too late.  Forever on record are angry faces billowing up the screen like helium balloons!  I should’ve logged in from Janet’s iPad!

My little profile pic shows just before turning into a red, mad face going up the screen!  I hit a few red heart buttons, ❤ but the damage was done!

Probably be called before the Elders for church discipline now.  “Jeff, you have discouraged little kids watching the children’s minister and sowed discord among the brethren!”

Hey! I’m a Baby boomer, not a millennial. I didn’t grow up with cell phones!  I don’t know enough to have reached the technological “age of accountability”. RabBits 11

Anyway, I tried to make it right with lots of thumbs up 👍 icons for the pastor’s message, kinda like virtual amens.

I’d put an exclamation mark after a thumbs up if possible.  It’d be like standing in church, waving your arms and shouting, “AMEN! Preach on brother! Those people over there need it! Hit em’, both barrels! Hit em’!!”

I almost made it worse. I tried to explain the angry faces in the comment section, but my fingers were in the wrong place on the key board.  It was just gibberish.  If I’d sent that comment, the Elders would be calling me about disrupting online services by speaking in tongues!

It was great though during the offering. I had a check ready and everything. Nobody passed the plate.  I sent double thumbs up for that! 😉

Honestly, I think it would be cool to coronavirus church in the big parking lot.  We could all still social distance by staying in cars, like a drive in movie theater!

I’d still park on the back row! Popcorn.  Corn nuts. Put the visor down in case I got sleepy.

The preacher could stand on a tall ladder on the front sidewalk, and have a sound system like at a football field that echoes.  “Turn in your BIBLES, Bibles, bibles, ibles…. to John chapter THREE, Three, tree, ree.”

We could start a whole new church language.  Like, making the windshield wipers go up for raising your hands. Or flashing the headlights for amen.

Maybe if someone was getting baptized they could turn on their windshield wiper squirter and sprinkle the windshield!  No wait, we baptize by emersion. That wouldn’t work.

But still, we could all turn on the right blinker, then the left to say, “Get right, or get left!”

The music minister could even coordinate cars horns at the end to play the doxology song. How cool would that be?

Or maybe I could back up my truck and sit in the back in lawn chairs. We could suntan at the same time. Then everyone would know if the preacher preached to long because of sunburns!

It could work, at least until the car beside you rolls down the window and sneezes!

Come on, Sister Harriot!  Keep your coronavirus to yourself!

Sometimes, like coronavirus, it’s more blessed to keep than to give!

Can I get an amen, flash your headlights or a thumbs up on that?! 👍

Corona Church story


32 thoughts on “Corona Church”

  1. So funny! I laughed at the meme that is going around “CHURCH: Where 2 or more (but less than 10) are gathered” I love they are putting their services online. Hopefully they keep going! (Despite the people who hit the angry faces 🙂 )

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We are doing daily chats with our Grandson on Messenger Kids. He is always showing himself as a dancing bear or some other application. So today I turned my image into a fire breathing dragon! He just laughed. I appreciate your humor Jeff.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Always a good sense of humor. Love it. I do know that a few churches have ttied what you mentioned. You can pull into their lot and tune into the right channel. That way you are semi gathering together.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Brother Jeff, Hahah… now I know why you are so healthy, body, soul and spirit. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (PV 17:22). You have a happy, cheerful heart. This is the proof that the Holy Spirit is inside you. I am proud of you! Keep spreading the victory of Jesus who ‘overcame the world’. God bless you!


    1. I love the creativity that people are showing right now. The old saying is there’s more than one way to skin a cat…but I’d just assume not try even one way. Love though that churches are finding was to forge on in an odd time with a timeless message!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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