Totally Jealous

It takes all kinds to make the world go round, but some make the trip around more entertaining.

At the gym during lunch time, there was a new guy working out, kinda. Most folks just work out to be healthy and go their own way. Not the new guy.  No siree. Not at all!

He was in the locker room when I got there talking to someone in the next section over. He acted as if he was the right hand mercenary for a mafia Godfather, but I’m not sure he’d be over 5’2” even with a pair of stiletto high heels on!  (OK, so I know what stiletto high heels are — I have four daughters.)

Even with his black platform boots that shined brighter than Santa’s, he’d have to stand on his tippy toes just to see over a bell tower rail so he could yell, “De plane, Boss! De plane!”

When I got inside the gym, he was there looking at himself in a mirror flipping some of the locks from his full head of hair to the side. Now I’ll be really honest. I got jealous. I mean, he’s over there flipping his hair out of his eyes like a horse-tail swatting mosquitoes!  The closest I can get to that is half-inch sprigs of hair that stand straight up in the bald spot. That’s not right! It’s just not right!!

Totally, Jealous story

I started my work out.  In the mean time, Little Bit was running his fingers through his hair, again.  He was talking to another guy but seemed to be looking just beyond that. I followed his gaze, and I kid you not,  but I’m pretty sure he was trying to show out for some senior citizen ladies lifting weights.

He kept glancing at himself in the mirror, then back toward the senior citizen ladies.  I just knew he was about to talk like Fabio and say, “I can’t believe it’s not butter!”

When he walked he threw his arms out wider, like he was in the gym all day long, every day. You know the look. It’s where your arms don’t hang by your sides, but stick out like a clothes line pole just to show how strong you really are.

He walked the part too. He’d walk with his legs a little farther apart than necessary, like he had such massive leg muscles that just the friction of his thighs rubbing together could start a spontaneous combustion fire.  Maybe that’s being harsh, cause really, everyone should get the benefit of the doubt.  So let’s just assume he was severely bowlegged. Or maybe, he’d pulled a groin muscle, or possibly, had a really bad rash.  Yeah, that was probably it, a bad rash.

When I got on the biceps machine, I didn’t adjust the weight and it was way too heavy. I looked to make sure no one saw me drop the weight down 30 pounds. It was still heavy and soon I was huffing and puffing.  I peeked again to make sure no one saw me drop the weight more.  That’s when I realized I was following the two senior citizen ladies lifting weights who had just used the biceps machine!

At the next machine, Little Bit was sitting in front of the wall of mirrors pulling a weight cable totally absorbed in how his arm muscles looked. He tried not to make it look obvious, but if he showed any more interest in himself, he’d have to go to the courthouse and get a license to marry himself.

On the next machine, I looked past Little Bit at the mirrors that reflected a lot of people. One poor slob was doing the bench press. He was straining, his face was red and a little vein was popping out on his forehead. My first impression was how sad it was, until, until I realized it was me in the mirror…

Totally Jealous story

There’s not a lot of time at lunch to drive, dress, workout, dress and drive back in an hour. Apparently, Little Bit was on the same schedule because right after I got in my truck, he came bouncing out of the gym front door. He was walking along and started smiling and waving, like he was on the campaign trail.

Have you noticed how politicians can be in a huge crowd of nameless faces waving, and without exception, suddenly act like they see someone they’re really close to, like their spouse, mother or parole officer. The politician will just point at some random person in the crowd, followed by a sentence or two, like they are talking intimately to someone 400 feet away in the balcony.

Little Bit was doing that! I quit backing up the truck to figure out who in the world he was politician waving to. There wasn’t anyone! No where! No one unless some car thief was hiding in the back seat of his jacked up four-wheel, SUV with over-size tires and LED lights that shine underneath the bottom.  Little Bit just waved and smiled at some imaginary person somewhere before walking with his legs wide apart again like his chaff got worse at the gym.

And just for the record, his arms were so far out to his side that his little back pack, Dora the Explorer size, didn’t even touch his back!

But then, as if he was subconsciously trying to get even, he flipped his chin back sending his thick, full head of hair cascading carelessly through the wind.

Well, I can’t believe it’s not butter either, cause I’m jealous. Totally, jealous!!


21 thoughts on “Totally Jealous”

  1. Well there are a lot of sayings about small men. And it would be best if i did not repeat any of them! But this post is entertaining and well, his hair may be the only attribute he has at the moment and he may not have any friends which is why he was waving to you. Just follow this line of thought and soon you will be feeling sorry for him and not jealous in the least.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Okay, I cannot make it through this one either!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!! After battling this friggin flu for months, I really needed this!!!!!!!! Will be back!!! God Bless, SR

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey Jeff,

        What truly got me over it was Royal Jelly. I knew I had to take something to boost my immune system as med’s were not doing the job. Within three days I was out of bed, energy and flu symptoms gone. However if you try and take it start with a small dosage and do not take if you are allergic to honey or any other bee products. This stuff is really, really good, and I think I would of been in the hospital without it.

        Now as far as your post! LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!!! But….when this guy has your sense of humor then be JEALOUS! Until then I will take that over his “flowing locks” any day of the week. Great one and I loved it!!! Barely made it through the second time and I can usually do that. This one was just too dang funny! God Bless, SR

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I had to come and tell you something, as you need to know this if you have not heard it. Brother and I email each other “stupid stories,” being stories we hear which are actually taking place in life. So here is our stupid story for the month.

    In California, they are trying to place a law on the books that if a waiter/waitress offers anyone a straw in a restaurant without the customer requesting one, this is punishable by a 1,000.00 fine and six months in jail, as this is contributing to “waste management!” Now if this does not make us happy to live in Texas I do not know what does! Can you imagine tax dollars paying for this session to even take place to see if they are going to pass it or not????

    This dear friend is the most “stupid” story of the year so far! LOL! God bless,SR

    Liked by 1 person

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