I just wanted a smoothie, that’s all! A simple smoothie, in and out, no big deal.
Last week two college girls were working the Smoothie King counter. After staring mindlessly at the order board, I finally asked what the best tasting, healthiest smoothie was.
She immediately said her favorite smoothie was loaded with vitamins, fruit and called the Pre-Mama.
She was right! It was great!
Friday two college guys were working. They were polar opposites. One was huge and tall; the other short and small, leprochaun size really. I wanted to catch the hyper little guy and demand he take me to his hidden a pot of gold!
A lady was ordering in front of me. The big guy taking her order had on a T-shirt at least a size too small, plus he had no, absolutely zero, enthusiasm. Undertakers at funerals have more enthusiasm!
He stared blankly while she ordered, breathing through his open mouth the whole time.
After she ordered, I stepped up with confidence! I knew what I wanted! Yes! The Pre-Mama … oh, and I heard you tell her it’s $5 Friday, so yes please, I would like that in the 32-ounce size also! That’s $5, right??
Mouth breather’s expression never changed. He looked like he was about to go to sleep, and barely shook his head yes. I pulled out my wallet and money changed hands without a word from him.
Meanwhile, the hyper leprechaun grabbed my order ticket, turned and spoke four times louder than his height.
“You know this is for expectant mothers, right?”
That stung, bad, like a wasp sting in the nostril bad.
I didn’t know, but all of the sudden it made sense! I thought Pre-Mama meant Pre for “Premier smoothie” and Mama was “the mother lode, the bonanza in a gold mine, and I’m rich, I’m rich, I’m rich.”
The girl last week didn’t say Pre-Mama meant for a woman with a bun in the oven! She left that part out! I can’t keep my man card if I start getting PMS, Pre-Mama Smoothies!
The leprechaun got louder. “You know, most guys just say, ‘Hey, that’s fine’ and want the pre-natal vitamins taken out and replaced with man vitamins.”
I panicked. I read the description and at the end, just as clear as Latin in a French class for the blind, it said prenatal vitamins were included!
I told him the workers last week recommended it. He looked at me doubtfully, so I pretended it didn’t surprise me. But inside, I wanted to grab and shake him! Just let the precious go, Bilbo Baggins! Let it go!
He said, “OK, but I mean, you know, it’s not for men. It’s for pregnant women, and you’ll be getting a lot more folic acid than you really need.”
I felt indignant! My folic acid is no concern of his! Besides, I’m follicley challenged. More folic acid can’t be a bad thing!
I quietly said, again, it was fine, just make the smoothie, but Papa Smurf kept gnawing away! He rambled on about men’s vitamins and “overdosing” on prenatal vitamins.
The woman in front of me was still waiting for her smoothie. I looked at her, rubbed my stomach and said, “Besides, I’m eating for two.” She looked at me like I was some sort of carnival freak show and turned away!
I tried to change the subject with leprechaun by asking what the best tasting, most nutritional smoothie was, but Lucky Charms wouldn’t stop! “Not this one!” he said. “This is only the second one of these I’ve made!”
“Wait! You just told me men always change it to another vitamin supplement!”
“Yeah, well the dude yesterday didn’t know Pre-Mama meant for pregnant women. I mean, it says right there on the sign. I don’t know what the dude was thinking.”
Mouth breather was still standing behind the register staring. He slightly raised his eyebrows and shrugged like, psft, whatever man!
That’s when I knew it was time to shut up.
Then I felt guilty. Afterall, Jesus helped make these two guys, even the woman who thought I had a gourd for a brain. So what would Jesus do?
I came up with nothing! Spiritual blanks!
All I could think to say was, “Listen here, Zacchaeus. Put some human growth hormone in your own smoothie and go check out the Sycamore trees in city park!”
I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t want me to say that, so I bit my tongue instead. Besides, it’s against the rules to climb the trees.
Finally the smoothie was ready. The garden gnome reached up, and once again loudly announced to the world, “Your Pre-Mama smoothie is ready!”
Oh gee, how nice. My baby and I thank you!
Enjoy the fruits of your “labour”! Great read.
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Lol! That’s funny, Ash! Thanks!!
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Jeff, please tell me that didn’t really happen! That is definitely one of your funnier ones! The “mouth breather” slayed me. Too funny. Thanks so much.
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Bruce, virtually word for word happened this way….it’s one of the benefits of living in a college town!
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😂😂
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“That stung, bad, like a wasp sting in the nostril bad.” Hahaha… loved all the names you gave him! Papa Smurf 🙂
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Thank you, Robyn!! 😁
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I think Jesus would laugh. 🙂
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Me too! I know Jesus is serious, but I’ve also always thought of Him sitting around a campfire at night teasing with the disciples!
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Too funny!! I never would have thought it was for expectant ladies either. I don’t know how you do it! So many wonderful stories! 🙂🙂
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You are a genuinely kind soul, Lynn! As much as I admire and respect your writing and art, that means a lot!!
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It’s a funny story, and the fact that there are two pregnancy ads at the bottom of the story is also pretty funny!
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LOL!! OK, that is funny! What irony!!
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Thanks for a good laugh Jeff – you had me rolling!😂
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🙂 Good! Glad you enjoyed it, Terri!!!
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😂😂😂😂😂
I hope the smoothie at least tasted really good!
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😁 Yes, it is my favorite!
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😀😂
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Lol, this made my day!! Lol 😂
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Lol….good, Jessy! 😁
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😂
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😀
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🤣🤣🤣🤣 Hilarious per usual. Pre-mama smoothie 😂😂😂
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😁 You will have to try this smoothie!!
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No babies on the way for me either hopefully done permanently. 🤣🤣🤣 But at least I could physically need prenatal nutrients.
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Lol…..that’s right! And they won’t even try to talk you into “man vitamins” either!! 🙂
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So funny! 🤣 😂 I know I can always come to your blog for a mood-boosting, serotonin-secreting, face muscle-cramping, rolling on the floor, (baby-less) belly laugh! Thank you—just what the doctor ordered 😜
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Lol…well Mia, with that description, it would have been entertaining to watch and see!!!!
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