Category Archives: life

Ump

It was a coach pitch All-Star tournament for 7 and 8 year old players. One of the grandsons was playing, so it was double fun!

But between mamas letting their little boys loose, daddies holding their tongues, and coaches reliving their Little League glory days, drama and emotion can quickly ooze into the games.  

It’s usually from the coaches and parents more than the kids.  Boys like the competition, but at that age, the biggest concern for most of them is what flavor of snow cone to get after the game. 

And the poor umpires? They often get blasted from both sides! This day was different though. This game had a short, stocky, 40-year veteran umpire.  

In the first inning, I heard him tell someone while rubbing his head that every gray hair he had was from umpiring.  He winked adding, “I was 6 feet 7 inches tall when I started umpiring, but I’ve been chewed on so much over the years, I’m only 5’ 7” now! “

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A Graceful Dance

It was a Daddy Daughter Dance.  Unfortunately for my son, he had to work out of town.  Fortunately for me, I was the second-string back up for Grace, who is 6 years old, and in first grade.

The school dance was for elementary girls, grades one through six, at our local university Grand Ballroom. My only concern was that it was from 6 to 9 PM.  Having two left feet and the coordination of a one-legged giraffe, how in the world could I fake dancing that long?!  In the end, it didn’t matter.

What did matter was that my granddaughter had a good time. She was dressed in a light blue dress covered with tulle. (For the ladies, aren’t you impressed I know what “tulle” is, and for us guys, it’s said “tool”, but not spelled that way, so it’s not a skirt covered in crescent wrenches like I thought.)

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Too Many Hobbies

I have too many hobbies! Seriously.

Some people I know have no hobbies, zero, zilch.  They eat, work, sleep, then rewash, repeat, day, after day, after day.

That’s seems boring!

Yet others are so interested in one thing, it’s all they can do.  That’d drive me straight over the crazy cliff!

Still others, like me, (clear my throat and look side to side in case someone is staring), have so many interests, collections, activities, and hobbies, that they neither have, nor take, the time to do any of them really well.

Is that an existential crisis hobby crisis?

I need counseling, at least a support group.

“Hi. My name is Jeff, and I’m a hobbyolic.”

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The Longest Wedding Aisle, Ever

Walking my oldest daughter down her wedding aisle was excruciating!

Never mind the other 23,982 steps my Fitbit recorded that day. Most of the energy was used in the 25 to 30 steps walking down the aisle!

It’s a travesty, really.

I mean, who came up with the rule that the dad has to walk his bride-to-be daughter down the aisle anyway?

It’s not fair. It’s void of all decency of a civilized society! Continue reading The Longest Wedding Aisle, Ever

Reprise

It’s tedious.  Removing calcium deposits from pool tile at the water line.

Our pool’s never been cleaned, so three tiles at the water line had to be scraped and scrubbed.

Doing a 20 by 40 foot pool with a hand scraper is like an ant sized dental hygienist cleaning your teeth.

A pumice stone polishes off the remnants, but that hard crusty stuff, it only comes off with scrapes, scratches and scrubs.

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Clear Skies

Alone.

Yet, not.

Large families.

There are 33 people on the wall. Kids, kids-of-heart, grandkids, Janet, myself.

There’s always something going on in a big family. Someone’s always around, nearby, or on the way.

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Junkyard Explosion

Once upon a time there was an explosion in a junkyard. 

It all started with increasing nitrogen gases expelled from overheating debris in the hot summer sun. 

It was epic! One of a kind! Never to be duplicated!

I can’t prove it, so just trust me, it was the PERFECT storm to create such a powerful explosion!

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Forty Years Ago

Someone posted our high school class picture from 40 years ago!

Forty. Years. Ago!

That’s how long Moses and the Israelites wandered in the wilderness!

A little over 300 of us, all in purple gowns, grabbed a diploma, walked across the stage, and waltzed into life. 

When we graduated 40 years ago — Ronald Reagan was fresh on the job, the space shuttle had just made its maiden voyage, a new disease called AIDS would be announced two weeks after graduation, and two months after that, IBM would introduce something called a “personal computer”.  

With the unbridled power of technology and social media, it’s been fun to “reconnect” with some I haven’t seen since graduation day.

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Jill’s Diner

As I write this, we’re on the plane home from a week of adventures. 

It was late this past Sunday morning, traveling, Columbus, Indiana.  

Janet and I were on our way to the Creation Science Museum in Kentucky, and then the Ark Encounter forty-five miles past that. 

It was brunch time and we drove through downtown Columbus. We decided to grab something fast before heading on to Kentucky.  

We like the “local flavor” of places, especially in rural areas, so when we spotted a hole in the wall diner near the town square, it seemed perfect.

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Insomnia

There’s usually no rhyme or reason when insomnia happens, except it’s at the most inconvenient times. I had a ton of work the next day and needed a good night’s sleep.

Even with the best of intentions, I didn’t hit the hay until Midnight.  What seemed like a couple minutes later, my eyes popped open in the middle of a dream about a dolphin living in our swimming pool.  The dolphin would jump and eat mosquitoes, which was good, but if you didn’t scratch its dorsal fin with a plastic back scratcher, it would bite your arm. 

I know! What kind of weirdo dream is that?

Squinting, it’s only 1:15 AM, so I roll over in bed.  Deep breath. Another, and another. Roll on the other side. Nothing.

I fluff up the pillow a little and lay comatose between sleep and awake.  A few minutes later I wake up again thinking it’s been hours. Ugh, uh. 1:35 AM. Continue reading Insomnia